April angst

Spring is coming...I can feel it

April has been such an insane month, full of extreme ups and downs, highs and lows. Where do I begin?  I lost my full-time job at Fraser the first week of April.  This was a very unexpected blow and I was freaking out for the first few days after hearing the news. Luckily, by some strange twist of fate, another job landed in my lap – a job at a company where I have worked before as a temp.  This was a huge relief despite it being temporary.  I had been working so hard to pay off my debt and the ever-growing pile of medical bills.  The new job actually paid more than Fraser even though it was only part-time. Relief! Happiness! Freak-out over (or so I thought).  Long story short, the new temp job was going very well.  I was happy to be working there and earning a bit more money while I looked and applied for other jobs that actually interested me.  I was excited to find a job opening for a non-profit book publishing company called Milkweed Editions. However, hours spent perfecting my cover letter and resume became hours wasted.  I applied and never heard a word from them – even when I sent a follow-up email.  This was very disappointing.  But, things were going well.  I was still off prednisone (it’s been seven months now, I think), I was starting to finally lose a bit of weight (thanks to patience and hard work), and the person I had started dating (I think we were dating?) was proving to be a fun and happy addition to my life.

Fast-forward a couple weeks.  My health and RA is good, I’ve got a new job, I’m motivated to apply for interesting jobs that I really want, I’m looking forward to photographing my friend’s wedding in North Carolina in May, and I’m seeing someone that I feel like I have a good connection with and really like a lot.  LIFE IS GREAT!  Until I get punched in the gut the last week of April.

Last Wednesday I found out that I was being let go from my temp job because of my rheumatoid arthritis and my damaged wrist. Thursday I got dumped for a ridiculously young girl who lives in a different state.  Then my dog got ran over by a truck.  Ok, I don’t have a dog. But I bet he’d get run over by a truck if I had one.  I do realize that most of my posts on this blog are full of moaning and whining, and I’m trying to be conscious of that.  There is good news though.  I’m not totally defeated and demoralized.  Many of my friends have been wonderfully supportive and kind during these nasty bumps in the road, and for them I am truly thankful.  I am also incredibly grateful that my RA has remained pretty calm and stable despite the stress of all of these changes.  I’m surprised my entire body isn’t retaliating in some cruel way.  So! I’m still off prednisone, I’m still losing weight, and I’m thankful for the extra time I now have to focus on things that really matter to me. Friday morning I’m leaving for North Carolina and I’m so excited to see the ocean again. When I return, I’m seriously planning to take some classes in writing, photography and graphic design. I also hope to do more volunteer work with KFAI, The Museum of Russian Art, and maybe volunteering with kids at the U of M hospital. There are so many exciting and wonderful opportunities out there – I need to keep reminding myself of that. Life really is short and I’m not going to let disappointments drag me down. I don’t and can’t understand why things happen the way they do, but I believe there is a reason for everything, and in time I might find some of the answers.  I hope.

“When the people leave I never blow the candles out. And after I’m asleep, they flame and burn.” – Annie Dillard

4 thoughts on “April angst

  1. Your positive attitude through adversity is impressive. I look forward to some photos from N.C. Also, I am impressed with this blog… It helps outsiders understand the struggles of RA in a personal, resonating way. What you do here is important and a stellar contribution to society. I salute you.

  2. I’ve listed you as a “good read” on my blog. I aspire to be one teeny little iota as positive as you are, facing your RA. (It’s still pretty fresh for me, but I’m working on it.) Love your photos and your narrative, very distinctive. Keep posting.

    1. Thanks so much Jackie! Thank you for the support and for reading my little blog. I appreciate it. It’s a huge challenge to stay positive, but what else can you do? I don’t want the alternative. Thank you for your comment. Were you recently diagnosed with RA?

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