Update

April 3, 2012

Palmer Lake, Minnesota

Spring is here and change is in the air, it seems. Lots of things are happening right now – good and bad. My long-term temp job at Fairview just ended last Friday so now I am unemployed again. I have a few job applications in the works, so hopefully I’ll get some good news regarding those. My RA has been flaring up out of control over the last few weeks – my ankles are really painful. I’ve been taking 20 mg of prednisone and it doesn’t seem to be working, so I’m really worried. The doctor’s office is supposed to call me back today sometime. Still waiting. My knees and hands have also been bothering me somewhat so it seems RA is probably the culprit regarding my ankles. My surgery ankle (the right one) has been especially painful. I’m almost tempted to wonder if something else is wrong with it. The D.C. trip is coming up in two weeks and I just hope and pray that my ankles will calm down significantly by then. My remicade infusion is scheduled for Friday so I hope this flare-up will get better once I have that.

Good news – Despite the current flare-up, I’ve started riding my bike again! I rode around Palmer Lake (about three miles) two nights ago and it felt really good to just be outside and getting exercise. My goal is to try to go on a bike ride at least once a day, even if just for a short ride. I want so much to be healthier and to lose weight. I know I can do it if I work hard enough. Sticking with healthy eating and exercising is the challenge though. Cutting out Diet Coke again is another difficult challenge. Ugh.

MRI update: I went back to my orthopedic doctor last week to find out the results of the MRI on my right ankle.  Once again I was presented with good and bad news.  The good (great) news is that my ankle LOOKS fine and there is no damage to the joint or cartilage.  This is a huge relief, of course.  But then he told me that there is nothing he can do for me based on the results of the MRI.  Tears sprang up in my eyes and began to roll down my face despite trying to control myself.  How can there be nothing “wrong” when I’m in so much pain?  I appreciate that he doesn’t want to do unnecessary surgery, yet I can’t understand how nobody can figure out how to fix my ankle after all of these years (the ankle problems started five years ago).  So basically I left the office a crying mess wondering what to do next.  Second, third, fourth opinions?  Mayo Clinic again?  It’s almost too exhausting to even think about much less go through.  Back to the beginning, back to “square one.”  All I want is to be able to walk normal again, or as normal as possible, with less pain.

In better news, I have rediscovered the joys of riding a bike and have established a goal of biking 3-4 miles a day around a small lake near my house.  I went yesterday and Monday and it felt great, despite being a sweaty huffing-puffing wimp by the end of the ride both days.  It’s raining right now but I still want to try to go before I work tonight.  RAIN WILL NOT STOP ME!  Nor will this disease, dammit.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about this ankle, but I’ll have to figure out something.  I just can’t believe that there’s nothing that can be done.

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