Running to stand still

April 28, 2010

Spring is finally here, it seems, and I should be joyous and giddy and rolling around in the grass with happiness.  Right.  I would be skipping through the dandelions right now if I weren’t so exhausted from working two jobs and trying (unsuccessfully so far) to get ready for a fast-approaching art show/event.  Dealing with large medical bills that keep pouring in and problems getting medical assistance for the Remicade infusions I desperately need are also huge weights upon my mind and body.  (Sorry if this isn’t a very cohesive post, by the way, but I’m just trying to type out the mess that’s jumbled in my brain at the moment)

I just started a new Census “operation” and I’m in training this week.  This is the fourth Census job I’ve worked on since last year and the training is the same as all of the others – HELL.  And by hell I mean boring as hell.  I’m not entirely sure if hell is boring, but Census training is definitely a form of slow tedious torture which seems like hell to me.  It also doesn’t help that I sit next to an irritating blabbermouth woman who watches me like a hawk and constantly asks the leader, the class, and me stupid questions (such as demanding to know what I’m eating for lunch every day, among other things).  By the time I escape for the day my head is about to split apart and all I want to do is go home and sleep for a week or two.  But no, then I must race to my evening debt collection call center job for another four hours spent being bored out of my mind with a few interruptions from people swearing at me over the phone.  This is not my “dream job” either.  My tension headaches have returned and my fingers are starting to swell a bit and become painful because I’m due for my next I.V. infusion.  I’m actually getting really worried about this but what can I do?  I have no choice.  I cannot afford to pay almost $1,000 out-of-pocket for this treatment.  I’m currently awaiting another medical assistance charity/foundation to review my application to see if I can get assistance from them for Remicade.  They’ve helped me out in the past, for which I’m truly grateful, yet I’m reminded once again how they have a bad tendency of screwing things up.  My application is now being held up because they apparently have not yet received the form from my doctor.  After several phone calls, I was told my doctor DID fax it to them already.  So.  Is it lost?  Do they not know what they’re doing?  Was it faxed to the right number?  So frustrating.  I have to call there yet again tomorrow to try to sort this out.  I’m afraid that it will probably be June before I can have my medication/treatment again.  This is stressful and worrying because I do NOT want to have to go back on prednisone in the meantime.  I’ve been so happy and relieved that I’ve been able to stay off of it for the last three months.

Anyway, sorry for the bitch-fest but I’m just really fed up with everything now.  I’m tired of working multiple jobs that never earn enough to pay the bills.  I’m tired of fighting with my insurance company and just medical stuff in general.  I’m especially disappointed because I found out tonight that I’m probably not going to be able to get the time off work I requested to get ready for the art show.  I hope I don’t have to bow-out of it.  I just don’t have time to do the things that I actually care about, and that’s what bothers me the most.

Ok, done whining.  I’m going to read now for a bit before bed.  Oh!  Here’s some GOOD news – I managed to get back on my bike today quick before work and did another 4-mile ride around Palmer Lake.  I haven’t been biking for two weeks now (SHAME), so I’m glad I made myself do it despite being exhausted from work.  It was so beautiful riding along the trails, too, with everything in bloom.

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