I’d rather have hope than sadness

April 14, 2010

MRI update: I went back to my orthopedic doctor last week to find out the results of the MRI on my right ankle.  Once again I was presented with good and bad news.  The good (great) news is that my ankle LOOKS fine and there is no damage to the joint or cartilage.  This is a huge relief, of course.  But then he told me that there is nothing he can do for me based on the results of the MRI.  Tears sprang up in my eyes and began to roll down my face despite trying to control myself.  How can there be nothing “wrong” when I’m in so much pain?  I appreciate that he doesn’t want to do unnecessary surgery, yet I can’t understand how nobody can figure out how to fix my ankle after all of these years (the ankle problems started five years ago).  So basically I left the office a crying mess wondering what to do next.  Second, third, fourth opinions?  Mayo Clinic again?  It’s almost too exhausting to even think about much less go through.  Back to the beginning, back to “square one.”  All I want is to be able to walk normal again, or as normal as possible, with less pain.

In better news, I have rediscovered the joys of riding a bike and have established a goal of biking 3-4 miles a day around a small lake near my house.  I went yesterday and Monday and it felt great, despite being a sweaty huffing-puffing wimp by the end of the ride both days.  It’s raining right now but I still want to try to go before I work tonight.  RAIN WILL NOT STOP ME!  Nor will this disease, dammit.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about this ankle, but I’ll have to figure out something.  I just can’t believe that there’s nothing that can be done.

4 Responses to “I’d rather have hope than sadness”

  1. Kelly Merchant Says:

    Oh my god Angela, I am so sorry! My mom is actually coming over right now and if you remember from a few months ago, she’s dealing with similar issues and never gets any answers. I want her to read your post. Then maybe she’ll realize she’s not alone. She often voices the same frustrations that you mentioned above. Good for you for being tough and not letting it stop you. Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do…even if it means just listening or going on a walk with you.

  2. Katie Says:

    I did a search for ‘living with arthritis’ and came across your blog in my search. Reading this sounds so familiar. After years of ‘there is nothing wrong’ and ‘you are imagining things’ I finally saw a doctor who said ‘this sounds like it might be arthritis, let me refer you to someone.
    My problem joint is my right ankle, and has been bothering me for years now. There was one point that my manager at work actually demanded I see a doctor, who put me off on leave for about 2 months…and even when I was feeling better he said no, you are not coming back to work until they figure this out for you. I will never forget Tony and his determination.
    I was told that it looks like RA, but it is only attacking the one joint. I am intermittantly on celebrex when necessary, and get cortizone shots in my ankle. It is a relief knowing what is wrong.

    I too have difficulty just going for a walk, which was my favourite exercise…and it hurts to walk. I am looking for a different exercise to replace walking.
    I have bookmarked your blog and I am glad I found it. How do you get through the pain in biking? Moving the joint like that makes my ankle cease up and I can’t move. I need to lose weight to help the pain..but exercising causes the pain to be worse, it seems to be a catch 22. Do you have any pointers?

    I am very sorry that you too have problems like these, but it is good to know that I am not alone, and that there are others like me facing these problems.

  3. ncarreon Says:

    Living with pain like having arthritis is a torture… it is really painful but you have to find cures and treatment. You have to endure the pain to end it. I know it is very hard but you have to handle it so that the battle can be won.

    There are many alternative medicine very effective in treating arthritis, you just have to be wary of the products you are going to buy. Researching about traditional medicine for treating arthritis can’t hurt instead may yield a positive result if followed correctly. Living with correct diet and exercise can be great as you mentioned. It may not work over night but it will in time. Good luck!


  4. I’m sorry that happened, but glad you wrote about it. It made me feel like less of a dope. I once left a drs office in tears too, for a similar reason.
    I know just how that feels the frustration and the feeling that there’s not likely to be any help for it.


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